How to Talk About the Things No One Wants to Talk About
Let’s be honest: Most people don’t avoid conversations because they don’t know how to communicate.
They avoid them because they’ve already imagined how badly the conversation might go.
In their head, it ends with slammed doors, raised voices, awkward silence, or an HR meeting with uncomfortable folding chairs.
So we wait. We build the moment up in our heads. We rehearse entire speeches in the shower. We wait for the “right time,” which mysteriously never arrives.
And then, because we’re human, we either say nothing…or say everything at once, usually at the worst possible moment.
Here’s the thing: Most conversations aren’t actually difficult. We just label them that way. And once we do, they start to feel heavier, riskier, and more dramatic than they need to be.
That’s why I don’t talk about “difficult” or “challenging” conversations in my workshops. I call them learning conversations. The goal isn’t to win or prove a point. It’s to understand what’s really happening, get aligned, and move forward without lingering resentment.
When I teach leaders how to do this, I use a simple framework that you can remember with the acronym ACE: Anchor, Collaborate, Execute.
First, anchor the conversation in neutral facts. Start from facts and what can be observed, not what you assume. Use a mediator view with an invitation to sort out the situation together. You are both in the conversation and managing the conversation. Think of yourself as both a player and a referee. A conversation is not a debate—nobody “wins” a conversation.
Second, collaborate on solutions. Listen and reframe when needed. Most resistance softens once people feel heard and assumptions are replaced with clarity.
Third, execute the solution with clear next steps: End the conversation with clarity on who’s doing what and by when.
When you stop treating conversations as something to fear and start treating them as opportunities to learn, everything changes.
If there’s a conversation you’ve been putting off, consider this your nudge. Stop tiptoeing around the things that matter most and have that conversation.