How to Get Kicked Out of a Book Club

A few years ago, I joined a book club through Meetup, an app that helps people find others with similar interests. For several months, I faithfully read the books, showed up for the discussions, and enjoyed meeting new people.

Then one evening, I walked into our usual meeting spot. The group leader looked at me and said, “Oh... this is awkward.”

You know those words never lead anywhere good.

She continued, “We don’t want you to be in our book club anymore.” There were already six or seven people sitting around the table, all suddenly fascinated by their coffee cups.

Completely caught off guard, I asked, “Why?”

Her response? “We just don’t think it’s a good fit.”

That was it.

No examples. No explanation. No “Here’s what happened.” No opportunity to correct whatever I had apparently done. Just a surprise expulsion worthy of a reality TV elimination round.

I quietly left, wondering if I had committed some terrible literary offense. Did I like the wrong character? Talk too much? Not talk enough? Defend a plot twist that should never be defended? To this day, I have no idea.

As funny as the story is now, it wasn’t funny then. I was mortified. For quite a while, I didn’t tell anyone about it because I was embarrassed. I mean, who gets kicked out of a book club? Of all places, it seems like a group whose entire purpose is to hear different opinions would be prepared to hear...different opinions.

Even today, I still don’t know what I supposedly did wrong. And that’s exactly the problem. If someone had pulled me aside after one of the early meetings and said, “Hey, can I give you a little feedback?” we might have had an uncomfortable five-minute conversation. Instead, they avoided it until it turned into an uncomfortable five-minute public firing.

Avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t eliminate discomfort. It simply postpones it until the moment is far more awkward—and often far more hurtful—for everyone involved.

The same thing happens in organizations. Managers often avoid addressing performance issues because they don’t want an uncomfortable conversation. Instead, they hope the problem fixes itself. It rarely does. By the time they finally say something, the employee is blindsided, trust has eroded, and everyone wishes the conversation had happened weeks—or months—earlier.

Managing performance requires courage. Here’s how to address performance issues before they become your own awkward book club moment.

• Address issues promptly. Timing matters. Small conversations are almost always easier than big ones.

• Be direct and respectful. Clarity is a gift. People deserve to know where they stand instead of trying to guess.

• Finally, offer support. Pointing out a problem is only half the job. Help people improve by providing coaching, resources, and encouragement.

The best leaders have uncomfortable conversations early enough so that people still have every opportunity to succeed.